Of the PERFECTION of My Students

So, this semester, I’ve been teaching two discussion sections for a large lecture course on British literature since 1800. I always play music appropriate to either our themes or time period as the students file into class. During our unit on Victorian literature, I used only music from Gilbert and Sullivan operettas. Last week, their bonus question for their weekly quiz was to reproduce the entirety of Ezra Pound’s modern imagist poem, “In a Station on the Metro.” It’s only two lines. One student didn’t know the answer and instead wrote the entire first verse of “I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General.” I DIED.

Of course, I have them the point.

jelllypop asked: What is your response to the people who say shit like "why didn't the eagles just fly them there in the first place LOL" ?


There are two reasons.

The first reason can simply be explained with this awesome shot of Mordor:


You know what that shit is? That’s at least 3 Nazgul riding Fell Beasts, and the ENTIRE FUCKING ARMOR OF MORDOR. 

Yeah no big deal, just fly in and somehow manage to get past ALL THAT SHIT? Hell no. Sauron would have fucked that shit up so hard.

The only reason the Eagles were able to save Frodo and Sam, was because everyone fucking died. The army was either,

A: At the Black Gate thanks to Aragorn, or


After the destruction of the Ring, Mordor went fucking belly up, and fucking killed EVEN MORE MINIONS OF SAURON. That’s the only reason the way was clear enough for the Eagles. Because everything fucking blew up and everyone DIED.

And the second reason is that the Eagles literally don’t answer to NOBODY. They don’t have to do shit they don’t want to.

Look at the Ents. Even Treebeard at first is like “yo this shit ain’t our problem.” That’s how the Eagles feel. They were created by mothafuckin Manwe. MANWE. They are basically super awesome demigods that don’t have to do shit that anyone tells them to. They just don’t think that shit is their problem.

They had to deal with Melkor’s bullshit back in the first age already! They already had to save Middle Earth once. And all they want to do is live their happy super awesome Eagle lives without Morgoth or his stupid fucking fanboy Sauron CONSTANTLY FUCKING SHIT UP.

The only reason they go to save Frodo is probably because their homeboy Gandalf asked them too, because oh yeah he’s also totally a Maiar spirit sent to CONSTANTLY DEAL WITH MELKOR AND SAURONS BULLSHIT. The Eagles and Gandalf probably have some sort of IOU system going okay? They already saved his ass from Isengard. AND BEFORE THAT THEY SAVED HIS ASS, AND A BUNCH OF DAMN DWARVES.

Peter Jackson says it all in the DVD commentary. The Eagles are not Middle Earth’s taxi system. They are fuckin awesome giant eagle demigods and they don’t have time for your bullshit. 


This is wonderful.

BUT… It is just slightly reductive in that not everyone in Mordor dies. In the film, we never see past the plateau of Gorgoroth. Beyond those desolate, dread lands lies Lithlad, the ash plain. These fields are fertile, although not necessarily verdant and kept nourished by the rivers and streams that pour into the Sea of Nurnen. These lands feed Sauron’s hoards and are tended by millions of slaves. After the fall of Mordor and Barad-Dûr, the slaves in Nurn were free and Aragorn gave them the land to till and govern of their own accord. So, not everyone in Mordor is killed - not all of then are evil. Those that had been victimized are given sanctuary and self-control.

Doesn’t Tolkien just rock?